Overwhelmed

Where to begin.

Now.

How about now.

Ok, now.

Every second is a beginning. I and I know many others have this mind game of taking the next step. To start or finish. Make this change, or that. Then the world throws a curve ball and the feeling of overwhelmingly having to process the curve, puts the change aside. I have battled this my whole life, of doing better, managing the curve of overwhelmingness.

Looking back into my childhood and seeing what little Dallas had to manage is profound of what a child had to manage at all. The dream state of being mindfully carefree was a dream, she wanted to obtain. Little Dallas wanted fairies and unicorns to be real so they could take her to their magical land. To wonder through forests and play in ocean. She wanted to live in world of pure wonderment. She dreamt and daydream every day.

When her eyes were open she went back to managing her overwhelmness. Making others happy, protecting, pretending. As an adult now I still have that mindset of managing curve balls. The unexpected moments of life really just being life. I do however know that this is and was my survival mechanism. I know i am safe now. My ennivoremnt is safe. I do live in a world of wonderment and I have the whole time. I can feel those little moments sitting under our tree in the front yard watching the clouds, those moments were my peace. I reaized now that back then, I knew had to find some type of regulation. Nature offered that to me. She was always right there. I was nutured in more ways than I realized. Of course looking back is way easier than when your in a hard situation. Or somewhere you cant get out of.

Having that awareness now, as an adult has brought me a new outlook of being overwhelmed, feeling stuck or when a curve ball of life comes in. I have an outlet. I have made changes. It has taken a lot of time, a lot of changing my mind set but every moment, is a new beginning. It seeing it as something that is whole and not a piece.

All we have is this moment right now. The overwhelmingness is our system, our body, our energy bottled up. Literally taking it all on and in the body, as there is no other choice.

Remember when this comes up.

Every second is a new moment.